Problems with peers are much more common than most parents and even most professionals realize. One researcher estimated that one out of two children will have a serious problem with their peers as they grow up. This may be the result of shyness, bullying, family moves, or a problem with making good friends. Peer rejection, which can happen to an estimated 15 to 20 percent of children, is the most serious problem.  Peer rejection is associated with many types of problems including depression, drug use, and school failure.
 
There are some specific developmental milestones that we look for in determining whether or not a child is developing her social skills.  For example, by six, we expect children to understand and demonstrate basic social rules, like sharing, waiting your turn, and respecting the rights of others.  By eight most children will have had a "best friend" for at least a two month period, and by age nine, we expect children to be able to understand another person's point of view. By age eleven, we expect children to be able to participate successfully in a same- gender peer group.
 
For many years I have advocated teaching social skills as a part of the school curriculum. The good news about social skill problems is that they are teachable, particularly when they addressed early. 
 
This week we are featuring a free activity download from my book, Let's Be Friends, which has recently been published by New Harbinger Publications.  It deals with the issue of helping kids deal with disappointment.  Over the next few months I will be featuring free activities from many other Instant Help Books, dealing with issues like anger control, childhood depression, loss, self-injury, and more. 
 
In this newsletter you will also find a new column called KIDS IN THE NEWS, which will be a weekly summary of the most important news affecting children, including practical recommendations of what can be done to help children with problems or children who are at risk for developing problems.
 
 
Dr. Lawrence E. Shapiro
President, CounselingStore.com & ParentStore.com